March 4, 2010

I promised some pictures of Tim and his son so you could see the likeness, Here you go…

Tim on his 1st birthday

Timothy Hayden at 15 months

Tim and Alicia

Timothy Hayden at the park on March 1, 2010

Hi, I’m Dianna, Tim’s mom. Tim is survived by his dad, Don; his sister, Alicia Royce; his fiancee, Melissa Royce; and his son Timothy Hayden. He also has loving grandparents, a bunch of cousins, and aunts and uncles who care about him very much.

Melissa changed her last name to Royce, in honor of Tim, on July 25 which just happens to be Alicia’s birthday! Timothy Hayden was born on August 28, 2008-such a blessing. Tim was so excited to be a prospective parent-Melissa tells me that she often sees the baby looking intently into the distance and she’s sure that Timothy is seeing his daddy-I hope so.

Check back later and I’ll show you some baby pictures of Tim and Timothy – then you can see how much they look alike.

December 29, 2009

2009 has been a tough year for Tim’s family. On October 29, Tim’s cousin, Che Barnes, was piloting a Coast Guard C-130 Rescue plane on a Search and Rescue mission off the coast of San Diego. The plane collided with a Marine helicopter. The 7 Coast Guard crew members and 2 Marine crew members did not survive.  The family is reeling from another violent death of a young man within 19 months of Tim’s death. We are starting to feel just a little cursed!

Tim’s grandma, my mom, passed away peacefully in her sleep on December 15. Mom told me she always had a soft spot for Tim. I think that’s because Tim lived with them for about 6 months just before he graduated from high school. Dad remembers the enormous quantities of ice cream and salami Tim managed to pack away while he was there.

My mom has had dementia for many years, but she always remembered to ask me about the kids, Tim and Alicia. She had a kind of routine she went through whenever we spoke. “How’s Alicia?” “Where’s she working?” “How’s Tim?” “Where is he?” What’s he doing?” “I always had a soft spot for Tim.” After Tim’s death, she asked me those questions a few more times, but each time I had to tell her that Tim was dead, it was as if she was hearing it for the first time and she was devastated.

6 weeks after Tim was killed, Mom had a stroke; we weren’t sure if she would survive. She couldn’t feed herself or get out of bed by herself. It got to the point where Dad called a priest. Shortly after that, Mom seemed to recover fully, her appetite was good, she was feeding herself and getting around on her own. There was one significant change, though, she never asked me about the kids again. Neither one. She’d ask about my nieces and nephews, but never my own children. I think that somewhere in her dementia, her brain chose to protect her from the pain of Tim’s death by blocking his existence out of her mind.

Mom’s at peace now, united with Tim and Che and her own memories.